To stand by and wait.
6:53 AM
“The truth is heavy; therefore few care to carry it.” – Anonymous
We live in a world polluted with ignorance, greed and falsities. And since the world demands so much from us, we tend to lose ourselves in the process of living and thus we join the cluster of hypocrites following the only trend that will never go out of style. And that’s lying. This is probably the biggest fight we have ourselves to deal with everyday. From our hectic lifestyles, to peer pressure, to small temporary pleasures, to saving our pride – yes, we always have our reasons for lying. And though we may not be conscious about it but our souls I t is getting a bit choked up with all these dishonesty. Because for one, it destroys our identity next it destroys the relationships that we have and before we know it, it destroys our lives.
…And so Billy Joel sings “Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue.”
We all wear different kinds of disguises. Because for us there is always that dire need to cover something. For some, it maybe because of a broken heart; for some of a wounded ego; for some maybe it’s their insecurities that they don’t want to show. But whatever reason we may have truth be told we masked ourselves because we are afraid to look weak from the outside. We resort to become selfish pretentious people trying to save ourselves from feeling loneliness to become happy when in fact that’s the exact reason that is making us miserable. We ceased to be honest to ourselves. We are always seeking the approval of some other people forgetting that it’s not their life that you’re leading it’s yours. What do I want? Who do I love? Where do I want my life to go? What dreams do I have? Questions we ask ourselves everyday, yet we let other people decide on the answers. Why? Because we fear rejection, we fear pain, we fear reality.
You know, everyone of us is a kid inside regardless of the age that we have. And just like everyone else in this world I am kid too and I wear a mask. (Though mine is a bit crazy-looking with all this multicolored sequins and feathers and flowers – just kidding.) I used to be very sensitive though I don’t really know now where all that sensitivity had gone to. Figured life had thrown me too many love/peer/family dilemmas that ended up in a very unfeeling me. I hate bad news. I hate hearing anything that’s sad and lonely. I don’t watch the news because I don’t want to see people killing other people. I know its reality and that scares me. I surround myself with all things nice and pretty. I appreciate drama from time to time but I close my eyes to the most horrible. Nothing hurts me the more than the feeling of infidelity but for some odd reasons too I seem to come face to face with it almost all the time. See, I filter out the melancholic areas in my life to keep me going on. We are going through so much in my family now – that being tough is the only emotion there is to consider. And when you’ve locked yourself to that sensation, it’s when you stop feeling your heart and start pertaining everything else with your brain.
Dealing with the truth is never easy, being honest about it is worst. While truth is the information that describes the actual events of things, honesty is the character or behavior of the person. Conversely, dishonesty can be defined simply as behavior with the intention to deceive. Everyday we are confronted with the challenge of being true to ourselves. It is hard – yes very. It is struggle, but as Jim Davis once said “the truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.” And he is right. The path to truth is strewn with thorns – but after the initial few steps these thorns would cease to matter. Because matter truth will not hurt us, it will only awaken our soul.
7:53 AM
errors, mistakes, inaccuracies and lapses.
i had my share of tiny miscalculations.
but this one i know, is the biggest erratum of all.
i tried to be optimistic about it. and i tried to be hopeful.
but it always has been a set of misfortune.
when i talk about such matters, she doesn't really listen.
but instead, she talks and she talks some more;
on why i cant seem to appreciate her old college cracks.
and i say 'well, it is old college. so i need some update.'
i don't know how to play the part of being me
when, i cant really see the 'her' she promised me.
though i know, that change doesn't come in a breeze
well at least, allow me to see some symmetry.
pipe dreams don't come everyday and so does leniency.
of course, i'm only human to nauseate and capitulate.
maybe i should--- bury my head in the sand
or maybe i should, just bury your head in the sand.
i wonder what came over me, when i decided to pick you
when i knew that you dismay and mortify me.
was it love? oh maybe. what an idiot i had been.
i wish life had rewinds, i'd definitely undo the whole enchilada.
so, here i am knocking myself out with all these love drama
sometimes smiling, sometimes weeping
sighing for what could have been more desirable than this.
oh yes. i am trap. trap in this galling loop of self-reproach.
how sad.
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