as the sun rises in the east, i smile as another day unfolds.
i open the curtains and the morning light hits my face.
breathing in and out, i can feel the day's energy creeping in.
i love sunny days. it makes me feel excited and happy.
i said my morning prayers in a quick murmur.
long day ahead of me. i took a quick shower and got dressed.
somewhere in between the piles of unwashed laundry,
i came upon a lovely photograph. two people smiling, holding hands.
like a flash of lightning, my sunny day became gloomy.
i dropped to my knees to pick up the broken frame.
it's been a month since he left. and until now, his memory lingers everywhere.
he seems to pop up in the most unexpected time and unexpected places. this annoys me.
minutes ago, i felt like the whole world was in my hands.
that i was capable of doing the impossible.
then he came to cloud the sunny day ahead of me.
he shadows me everywhere i go. he makes my life a living nightmare.
i have asked myself a dozen of times, who gave him such power over me?
such power to manipulate everything in my life. to make my world his.
but of course, this dates back. back to the first time he laid his eyes on me.
and then my soul decided to surrender; to surrender to this total stranger with brown eyes.
im thinking to much i said. i needed time to clear my head out. i decided to take a walk.
streets by now were jam-packed with people. some walking. some running.
everybody in motion. i, on the otherhand am stuck in a reverie of you. i lit my cigarette.
i felt the nicotine in my lungs. i started walking with no known destination.
again, you intrude my privacy. your smile clearly stapled in my memory
i tried get you out of my system. but with no success each time i try.
so i succumb to my thoughts of you. i let you linger there as long as you want.
not that i venerate your presence, but because you left me with no choice.
i love you yet your reminiscence disturbs me. why?
this time, i heard less of the automobile engines roaring.
i was too caught up wiht my thoughts that i hadnt realize i was already nearing the lake.
ahh. the sweet summer breeze soothes the tension of my soul.
yes. it feels good to be alive. to be loved by you. but why do i dread of you haunting me?
i speak of you in detailed disgust, yet i claim you to be the love of my life? here's why.
along the feeling of great happiness you bring to me comes the despicable feeling of pain.
pain of you being so faraway for me to touch and hold. pain of your missing presence.
every now and then, i comfort myself. i party. i drink. i get drunk.
i content myself wiht your everyday calls and our constant emailing.
the money you send me, are all splurged on a woman's luxury.
with this i comfort myself of material things and temporary happiness.
i try to escape from these feelings. but i cant. it's love.
pure and genuine. unselfish and accepting. you and me, we cant always be together.
and yes i wait. day and night for your return. i count the stars. i pray. i hope.
i think of you endlessly. i become sterile. i cry and wail for many nights. and then i sleep.
my phone rings. i see you in the caller image. i couldnt help but smile.
i said hello, and i heard your voice. i felt my soul dancing. i felt myself free.
i wish i could freeze time. i wish we could talk for all eternity. then you hang up.
you said you'd call back. i said i'd wait. just as i always did.
the sun by now was fully up in his throne. shining brightly.
it was getting hot too. i breathe in the beautiful scenery of the lake in front of me.
i felt calm. i felt like i was one with nature. the energy of love gyrating inside me.
happiness. pain. only you are capable of. my obsession. my aficionado.
i can feel the coldness of the weather inside me.
i wanna cry. i wanna weep until i have no tears left.
i am tied under this ball and chain because of this love for you.
i can feel the whip as it hit the skin on my back.
my heart bleeds. my soul cries. save me from this misery.
i am left alone in this dark chamber; no one to hear my pleas.
my words fall deaf on the executioner's ears.
my hands ache. the chain cutting deeper on my skin.
i throw up. i taste my own blood. i wailed as i was hit again mercilessly.
i see nothing ahead of me. a dim light shines in the far end corner.
my body becomes numb. i feel weightless. i feel pain all over me.
i am too tired to move. my limbs are weak. i am finally release. must i be thankful?
i could not stand nor look up. my head is too heavy.
my vision unclear. i ask myself why i had let myself be dragged like an animal.
royal blood flows in my veins; yet i allowed this people to maltreat me.
i can hear the water dripping. the rats running on the floor. heavy footsteps..
the door opens, i shield my eyes from the light and then everything went black.
half dead, i hold myslef in the coldness of this night. save me. hear me.
lady dance under the stars.
with eyes close and your body moving with grace.
dance like nymph in the wilderness.
hum a tune, sway your hips, raise your head to the heavens.
dance like everybody is watching you and you dont care.
feel their eyes in constant awe by your marvelous sight.
your a woman, beautiful and magnificent.
fragile yet dangerous.
dance like your a goddess from the mountains of olympus.
the stars trapped in your eyes. the moon beneath you.
you bit your lip. you tilt your head to the side. your hands above you.
hips swinging in loveliness. entice them thoughts of you uncovered.
lady oh lady dance for the world.
be free. be powerful. be a woman.
tease. submit. enjoy.
lady oh lady dance. dance for your existence.
STOP! absolutely stop thinking about him. your nuts. (iknow)
i wanna surrender to you this feelings of affection.
im not going to ask you not hurt me coz that wouldnt be pragmatic.
i just want you to know, that what i want from you is love. and i want all of it.
i wish i know you but i dont. keep your sentiments to yourself. yep, you've fooled this little girl.
i just hope, your not like the many. a line so often said by a dozen of women in love.
i feel like a tiny mouse talking to a big piece of cheese. hungry. haha. i am NUTS.
and if ever you feel like disappearing, tell me. im not like every other 19 year old.
i hate crying over spilled milk. and then i would just like to think of you as a piece of reminiscence that i like to think about everyday. people come and go. i wish your here to stay though. bottomline? i fell in love with you. i wish this didnt have to happened. but because it did. im bound to it. not for responsibility but for the sensation of it. toothy grin. gleaming eyes. silly dreams.
i love to savor love and it's bitterness. it just feel oh-soo-good!
pathetic. dillusional. childlish. call it whatever. for me? it's bliss. :)