My Aficionado

as the sun rises in the east, i smile as another day unfolds.
i open the curtains and the morning light hits my face.
breathing in and out, i can feel the day's energy creeping in.
i love sunny days. it makes me feel excited and happy.

i said my morning prayers in a quick murmur.
long day ahead of me. i took a quick shower and got dressed.
somewhere in between the piles of unwashed laundry,
i came upon a lovely photograph. two people smiling, holding hands.

like a flash of lightning, my sunny day became gloomy.
i dropped to my knees to pick up the broken frame.
it's been a month since he left. and until now, his memory lingers everywhere.
he seems to pop up in the most unexpected time and unexpected places. this annoys me.

minutes ago, i felt like the whole world was in my hands.
that i was capable of doing the impossible.
then he came to cloud the sunny day ahead of me.
he shadows me everywhere i go. he makes my life a living nightmare.

i have asked myself a dozen of times, who gave him such power over me?
such power to manipulate everything in my life. to make my world his.
but of course, this dates back. back to the first time he laid his eyes on me.
and then my soul decided to surrender; to surrender to this total stranger with brown eyes.

im thinking to much i said. i needed time to clear my head out. i decided to take a walk.
streets by now were jam-packed with people. some walking. some running.
everybody in motion. i, on the otherhand am stuck in a reverie of you. i lit my cigarette.
i felt the nicotine in my lungs. i started walking with no known destination.

again, you intrude my privacy. your smile clearly stapled in my memory
i tried get you out of my system. but with no success each time i try.
so i succumb to my thoughts of you. i let you linger there as long as you want.
not that i venerate your presence, but because you left me with no choice.

i love you yet your reminiscence disturbs me. why?
this time, i heard less of the automobile engines roaring.
i was too caught up wiht my thoughts that i hadnt realize i was already nearing the lake.
ahh. the sweet summer breeze soothes the tension of my soul.

yes. it feels good to be alive. to be loved by you. but why do i dread of you haunting me?
i speak of you in detailed disgust, yet i claim you to be the love of my life? here's why.
along the feeling of great happiness you bring to me comes the despicable feeling of pain.
pain of you being so faraway for me to touch and hold. pain of your missing presence.

every now and then, i comfort myself. i party. i drink. i get drunk.
i content myself wiht your everyday calls and our constant emailing.
the money you send me, are all splurged on a woman's luxury.
with this i comfort myself of material things and temporary happiness.

i try to escape from these feelings. but i cant. it's love.
pure and genuine. unselfish and accepting. you and me, we cant always be together.
and yes i wait. day and night for your return. i count the stars. i pray. i hope.
i think of you endlessly. i become sterile. i cry and wail for many nights. and then i sleep.

my phone rings. i see you in the caller image. i couldnt help but smile.
i said hello, and i heard your voice. i felt my soul dancing. i felt myself free.
i wish i could freeze time. i wish we could talk for all eternity. then you hang up.
you said you'd call back. i said i'd wait. just as i always did.

the sun by now was fully up in his throne. shining brightly.
it was getting hot too. i breathe in the beautiful scenery of the lake in front of me.
i felt calm. i felt like i was one with nature. the energy of love gyrating inside me.
happiness. pain. only you are capable of. my obsession. my aficionado.